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Jimmy (13 years old) has new interests: "Mum, what's that i've between my legs?"
Mum is a bit embarrassed: "That is, ahem, an eleventh finger!" Jimmy has another question: " And what's that Eve (neighbour's daughter, same age) has between her legs?" Mum is more embarrassed:"That's her second mouth!" Jimmy is curious: " Eve said I should put my eleventh finger into her second mouth to feel if she had already got teeth there. Should I do so?" Mum is shocked: " No! She could bite you!" Jimmy wants to calm her down: "No, Eve's a good girl. We've tried several times since Christmas and she never bit me!" |
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During the lesson of theory an officer asked the soldiers:
- Who can tell me what the most important thing in the tank? The soldiers begin to respond, raising his hand one by one: - The Track ... - Fuel .. . - The ammunition ... - The radio ... The officer: - NO! Remember well: the most important thing in a tank is NOT fart! |
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Sorry to all members from Belgium (a good friend of mine comes from there), no attack and nothing against your country. Today at work I got this clip in a funny e-mail at work. I don't know but probably the creator comes from Belgium. The story is really funny and it could be happen in every country of the whole world. I hope you will laugh a lot. Best Regards |
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A sailor does to a colleague:
- I can not wait to be home. As soon as I pull my wife's underpants! - Why? You're so excited? - No. .. are close to me ... |
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An elderly couple is interviewed during a TV broadcast because, married for 50 years, had never quarreled. The presenter, with great curiosity, asks the elderly:
- But, you really have never had a fight in 50 years? - No! - Replies the elderly. - But how is it possible?? - Insists the presenter. - Look, when we got married my husband had a horse he cared very much, it was the creature that he kept more than ever. On our wedding day this horse pulled our carriage, at some point the horse stumbled on a stone and my husband yelled: "ONE". After a few meters the horse stumbled again and my husband shouted: "TWO." But the third time that the horse stumbled, my husband pulled out his gun and killed the poor creature, I froze, chided him: "Why did you do such a thing??". He screamed in my face: "ONE!" |
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In a door there is an announcement: "for sale battery." Next door: "Finally!"
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A snail is running through the jungle.
An elephant is seeing it and asking: "Snail why are you running through our jungle so fast?" I'm escaping because the tax office is following me, is the snail answering. Why is the elephant asking. Oh I have got an house, my wife has got an house and all the children have got an house. Oh I follow you is the elephant saying. I live on a big food, my wife lives on a big food and my children too. They are running through the jungle. A lion is seeing this and is asking: Why are you running so fast ? We are escaping off the tax office. Oh is the lion saying: I join in. I'm the king of animals, my wife is the queen of animals and my children are royals too. The snail, the elephant and the lion are running through the jungle. From a palm an baboon is seeing this. It asks why are they running so fast and wherefore ? The lion is saying:We are escaping off the tax office, do you want to follow us ? Why is the baboon asking. I have nothing to hide, have a blank red ass, my wife has nothing to hide,has a blank red ass, my children have nothing to hide,have a blank red ass...  Greetings and sorry for the ass 
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A zoo keeper has just ordered a closed circuit television system to monitor the actions of animals without moving from his office.
He orders her assistant to scatter them around the zoo of course without being noticed by tourists, but also by animals. Finished work back to the keeper's house. - Well, well. Now we can see what the animals do not move a yard from here, as if we were watching a normal TV program. assistant, not so much convinced intervenes: - There is one problem though ... The Guardian: - Oh yeah ? And what would it be? - If some animal tried to escape during ADVERTISING? |
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A young girl goes to the gynaecologist's the first time.
When she comes back her mother asks:" Is everything all right with you?" "Yes," answers the daughter; "I'm pregnant." "What, you are pregnant?" the mother is appalled, "Who the hell is the father?" The daughter is clueless:"Sorry, I don't know, and the gyn couldn't tell me, either!" |
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A Texan farmer goes on holiday in Australia. Here he meets an Aussie farmer and begin to discuss. The Australian shows his wheat field and the Texan:
- Oh! We have wheat fields in Texas that are twice the size! The two make a tour of the farm and the Aussie shows off her herd. To which the Texan: - Oh! We in Texas have large herds that are at least three times yours! They go on to speak, but stops when the Texan sees a group of kangaroos: - Oh! What are those? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look: - How? Do not you have grasshoppers in Texas? |
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A tiger wakes up one morning and feel in great shape. He walks around in the jungle when he meets a monkey roars in his face:
- Who is the strongest of all jungle animals? The poor monkey, scared answers: - Do you, of course, no one is stronger than you! Shortly after the tiger meets a gorilla, crashes into a tree and roars against: - Who is the strongest of all jungle animals? The gorilla, frightened by the long fangs of the tiger, replies: - as you no doubt you strong animal of the jungle. The answer he receives each Tiger feels more aggressive and defiant. Continuing on its way, comes from an elephant that sits placidly eating grass. The roars against: - Who is the strongest of all jungle animals? The elephant turns around, grabs the tiger with his trunk, lifts her up and slams it down against trees, against the stones. After a little 'of this massacre, put her against the trunk of a large tree. The tiger gets up with difficulty on all fours and, addressing the elephant: - Hey ... just because you do not know an answer, there is no need to piss off so much ... |
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nighthawk wrote:One thing in general today ! an engineer with a sense of humor. how extraordinary and simply wonderful ! slow |
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One thing in general today !
This thread is named : Some Fun And Jokes ! After your hard work to keep up the high level of this forum, you can enter here and read or support us with an own story and joke. Most important is to get a smile on your lips. Nobody will be angry or adjudge you about this. Of course as long as it is going confirm with the forum rules. That's the reason I created this thread. We all have got a different humor. Maybe we have doctors, lectors, officials or other ones here. So every joke about doctors could be wrong. Concerning the officials we have a lot of them in Germany and maybe this or that member is one. For example: Some time ago I posted a joke about farmers. A nice member here answered: But I'm a farmer (Hi brudgon, do you remeber of it ) but he understood it was only a funny storyand no attack against him or the farmers in general. So I reveal a bit about me: I'm an engineer (construction engineer, to be exactly). But nobody should feel not to post a joke about engineers. Otherwise we could close this thread. Greetings and Best Regards (the right ones will understand what I mean) |
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One teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, words can be masculine or feminine
- House in French is feminine: la maison. Pencil is masculine in French: le crayon. An inquisitive student asked: - And what kind of computer is it? The teacher, surprise, he admitted he did not know and the word was not even in the dictionary of French. So, to have some fun ', the class was divided into two teams, of course, males on one side and the other female, and asked the students to decide which kind to belong to their computer, giving at least 4 good reasons. Team the boys decided that the computer could not be other than female, because: 1. Except for the creator, no one can understand its internal logic; 2. The native language he uses to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in memory for ever finding fault poterteli; 4. As soon as you buy it you find yourself spending half my salary on accessories. The team of girls, of course, came to the conclusion that the computer was definitely masculine gender because: 1. If you want to do something with him, you must first turn; 2. Although it has a lot of data can not think for themselves; 3. It 'was invented to solve problems, but half the time he is the problem; 4. As soon as you buy it you realize that if you had waited a bit ', you would have found a better one ... |
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